But He's Been Here Forever

In my guild, we have a long-time member, I'll call him Mark. He's a good and friendly person, but he's definitely not officer material. Passive-aggressive, flaky, self-centered. Mark's been pining for officership for years.

I haven't been in officership for a while (because I've been raiding more diapers than instances), but I was surprised to learn of Mark's recent promotion to officer.

An officer friend chatted me up:

"Hey, how you doing?"

"Good. So what happened with Mark?"

<pause>

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't help but notice that he's an officer now."

"Yeah."

"So, what happened?"

<pause>

"Well, he's been here forever…"

Oh… crap. Continue reading But He's Been Here Forever

Bad Character Names

You've got a new character for a big massively multiplayer game, so you need a name. How do you come up with a good name? Good question! I might write about that another time.

This is a list of what people do wrong. It was written with both a genero-fantasy setting and a standard English keyboard in mind.

(Higher on list is less bad, lower on list is less good.)

  • Generic names: Dragon. Angel. Valor.
  • "Foreign" Language words: Grande. Ikimasho. (Foreign to you is not foreign to all–you'd laugh at a character whose name was "Big" or "Let's go!")
  • Jammed words: Dragonangel. Burningcat.
  • Meta: An undead named Rotting. A tauren named Beefcake.
  • Out of game context (OOC): Chuck. Spaceship.
  • Unoriginal: Legolas. Drizzt.
  • Jammed and meta: Deathknight.
  • Jammed and OOC: Chucknorris. Brucewillis. Captainplanet.
  • Jammed and meta and OOC: Undeadfred.
  • Jammed and talking to the reader: Ucantseeme. Pwnyou. Imdeath. (Personally, I always choose the most obtuse nickname possible for these kind of names: "See you later, Imd." "My nickname is supposed to be Death <cry>")
  • Unoriginal and late: Llegolass. Driiiiiiizzt.
  • Unoriginal and late and jammed: Elflegolas. Deathknightt.
  • Prescription drug name: Propecia. Celexa. (Although given enough time, pharma could eliminate the genero-fantasy namespace)
  • Swapped characters: Dragòn. (previously discussed: Text-based game, yet I cannot type your name.)
  • Unoriginal and swapped: Lêgolâs.
  • Unoriginal and swapped and late: Elflêgolâs.
  • Political statements of any kind: Nobama. Mclame. (Your political views are uninteresting in a game context.)
  • Jammed and talking to reader and swapped: Üçântsêêmê.

The order of these gets hairy in the middle and is to taste, although I feel pretty solid about the top and bottom.

Thanks to the readers who helped with ideas.

Did I forget anything? Is there a name worse than Üçântsêêmê?