I Jump On My Fallen Enemies

How to Pal­adin, how I miss you.

If you’re not aware, it’s a series of machin­i­ma on war­craft­movies by Stok­er. He has thir­ty films, and it’s the same for­mat every time:

  1. screen­shots of hat­ing-on-Stok­er forums mixed with a star­warsy scroll of poor­ly spelled, self-mock­ing intro text
  2. four to six min­utes of absolute inani­ty that is so incred­i­ble that your brain hurts at the end

What is absolute inani­ty? Try­ing to describe How to Pal­adin is like try­ing to describe love or the col­or blue or a car crash, and so is doomed to fail. I can describe the com­po­nents, though:

  • video played back at dou­ble or maybe triple speed
  • music sped up accord­ing­ly, the same two or three songs on a loop
  • A male blood elf pal­adin run­ning
  • aoe’ing every­thing down when pos­si­ble, prefer­ably pas­sive­ly
  • jump­ing like it’s the only way to move
  • jump­ing repeat­ed­ly upon his fall­en ene­mies
  • spinning–whether it’s his char­ac­ter or a fly­ing mount or some­thing else, he just loves spin­ning and fly­ing loops
  • arenas/battlegrounds/raids/instances/boss fights/dailies… what­ev­er the most recent con­tent is
  • danc­ing, oh the danc­ing
  • bub­ble­hearthing ele­vat­ed to an art­form

If you’re going to try him out (for exam­ple, episode XXIX), please don’t give in after the first minute. Some­thing in your brain breaks at around three or four min­utes, and the secrets of the uni­verse are laid bare. Or maybe you just go a lit­tle insane. Either way works.

How to Pal­adin might not be for you. I mean, I enjoyed Skele­tor and Gang, too, and as far as I know, I’m the only one. (SAG10 and 12 for the win)

He stopped updat­ing after Sun­well, I was hop­ing he’d pick back up after Wrath dropped, but he’s still gone. I miss him. In the mean­time, I jump on my fall­en ene­mies relent­less­ly.

Is there a pos­si­ble sub­sti­tute for How to Pal­adin? I’m ask­ing, even though I strong­ly sus­pect that the answer is no. I know that with inlaws vis­it­ing for the hol­i­day, I need amuse­ment, the more insane and harm­less the bet­ter.

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