Everything is Always Moving

There’s a fun­ny thing hap­pen­ing in my guild.

I logged on late the oth­er night to hope­ful­ly luck into a quick instance run (did­n’t hap­pen), and there were four peo­ple from my guild on. I did­n’t rec­og­nize any of them. I vague­ly remem­bered read­ing some­one’s app from a lit­tle while ago, but that’s all. I mean, I’ve seen them around, but this is the first time I had ever logged in and not known any­one who was online.

“Well, new guildies are good for the guild,” I thought.

How­ev­er, these peo­ple were chat­ting with each oth­er over /g, and they all seemed to know each oth­er pret­ty well. Even though I did­n’t know them, it was obvi­ous that each of them was a good fit for the guild. We have a strange and fun guild cul­ture, and it was obvi­ous that they were steeped in it.

It felt like walk­ing into my liv­ing room and find­ing four very friend­ly strangers there.

Con­tin­ue read­ing Every­thing is Always Mov­ing

Game Terms Overcome

I saw the fol­low­ing title on my gmail home­page:

Wired: Awe­some­ly Bad Defense Trin­kets, Part II

…and thought, “A WoW the­o­rycraft arti­cle in Wired?! Is this a par­o­dy or…?”

It’s fun­ny, because of course the word trin­ket exist­ed before WoW. How­ev­er, in the last three years, I haven’t seen that word once out­side of a WoW con­text, while of course I’ve heard it many times in WoW.

Thus, trin­ket has been com­plete­ly co-opt­ed in my mind, and I will now have to trans­late back to nor­mal Eng­lish every time I see it. Grats to Bliz­zard on suc­cess­ful­ly hack­ing my basic lan­guage skills and point­ing them back to their sub­scrip­tion game.

And so, my sub­mis­sion to the imag­i­nary ver­sion of the above arti­cle: Dire­brew Hops. It’s zomgepic, but it won’t help you tank any­thing.

Choose Your Post-Major-MMO-Patch Chat Adventure

1

You log on. It’s patch day! None of your addons work. There are all kinds of new toys and changes to enjoy, and you can’t wait to explore the con­tent.

At some point, you trav­el to a major city.

Goto 2.

2

You are in a major city. There are oth­er char­ac­ters all around you, doing nor­mal in-game things.

There are sev­en posts in trade chan­nel:

“Where the hell did all my Doo­dad 1 go?!”

“Where can I get New Char­ac­ter Enhance­ment?”

“gg on so much serv­er down­time, omfg”

LFG mul­ti­play­er con­tent”

WHERE IS NEW THING

“My Doo­dad 2 got deleted!!!1 I’m fil­ing a com­plaint.”

“What is New Game Mechan­ic?”

If there is some­one online who would like to kind­ly cor­rect the inter­net, goto 3.

If there is some­one online who would like play­ers to do some amount of read­ing, goto 4.

If you’ve seen the ques­tion “What is New Game Mechan­ic?” ten times, goto 10.

3

The kind per­son answers the ques­tion. The orig­i­nal poster says thank you. Or not.

If you have noticed the per­son look­ing for mul­ti­play­er con­tent twice already, goto 5.

Oth­er­wise, goto 2.

4

The geeky gamer says,

“Go read the patch notes.”

If there are many peo­ple of this mind­set online, goto 7.

Oth­er­wise, goto 6.

5

That per­son gets tired of try­ing to pen­e­trate the repet­i­tive patch dron­ing, stops ask­ing, and goes off to do solo con­tent.

Goto 2, replac­ing “LFG mul­ti­play­er con­tent” with a new and dif­fer­ent per­son say­ing “WTB cool new Thing”, then a new per­son say­ing “WTS reagent for Thing”, then anoth­er say­ing “WTB reagent to make Thing”, then start over with one say­ing “LFG mul­ti­play­er con­tent”.

6

The con­ver­sa­tion con­tin­ues:

“Jeez! Why not just answer the ques­tion?”

“Because peo­ple are going to log on all day and ask that ques­tion.”

“It only takes two sec­onds to answer the ques­tion!”

“If I’m mean now, maybe the per­son will read the patch notes that they clicked right past to get into the game, and next time they won’t clut­ter up trade chat.”

Goto 9.

7

The Inter­net Dick­wads appear from nowhere and pile on:

“what­ev­er NOOB!”

“ya rly nub go nub some­where else nub”

“rtfm”

“go die kthxbye”

“w/e stfu cuz you have crap­py wel­fare epics”

“diaf bbq moron”

“I’ve always hat­ed you, Bob.”

If the Dick­wads start infight­ing and com­plete­ly lose sight of the orig­i­nal point, goto 12.

If there is an extro­vert­ed per­son online who was bul­lied as a child, goto 6.

Oth­er­wise, goto 9.

8

Many par­ties proud­ly declare that their oppo­nent in the argu­ment is a com­plete waste of every­one’s time and effort to read, so they’re report­ing that per­son for chat abuse and/or putting that per­son on ignore.

You /facepalm in your heart that they announced this over the same chan­nel.

Goto 2.

9

The con­ver­sa­tion con­tin­ues:

“This is a game, it’s not home­work.”

“Why don’t you just take five min­utes instead of ask­ing every­one on the serv­er to do it for you.”

“If I want­ed to read, I’d watch the tick­er on the bot­tom of Sports­Cen­ter. I just want to play.”

“Then keep your ‘just play­ing’ out of the damn glob­al trade chan­nel.”

Goto 12.

10

You just can’t stand see this con­ver­sa­tion play out again.

If you turn off trade chat and stay in the city, goto 13.

If you leave the city, goto 13.

11

After glanc­ing at your chat­box, you say to your­self, “It’s been over two hours and this con­ver­sa­tion is still going on?!!”

Goto 10.

12

The con­ver­sa­tion spi­rals out of con­trol just like every oth­er argu­ment between strangers on the inter­net, for exam­ple:

“I pay my fif­teen dol­lars a month and I can use trade if I want to, it’s called Free­dom of Speech.”

You can replace it with any oth­er typ­i­cal weblog com­ments, forums, or irc luna­cy you’ve ever seen, invari­ably lead­ing to one of the fol­low­ing:

  • Reli­gion
  • Pol­i­tics
  • Sci­ence
  • Faith
  • Nazis
  • Yo Mam­ma

Goto 8.

13

You have left the city-chat net­work and are bliss­ful­ly explor­ing the new con­tent! It’s a good thing the Mas­sive­ly part of MMO isn’t manda­to­ry.

If you stay on this char­ac­ter, you win! Enjoy the new con­tent.

If you lat­er log on an alt, goto 11.

My Compulsion is Infrastructure

Sev­en weeks after we start­ed our Horde side project (lev­el­ing being friend­ly to fre­quent paus­es and sud­den stops), my wife hap­pened to walk by my com­put­er while I had my char­ac­ter select screen up.

“What are all those Horde char­ac­ters?!” she said.

“Oh! Well, here’s my auc­tion house alt, and my grind­ing alt, and–”

“I thought this Horde thing was a side project?”

Blink blink. “It is.”

“Are we giv­ing up our Alliance toons?”

“No! But we’ll need sup­port for our horde mains, too.”

“Our L32 mains?”

“We’re going to need gold for epic mounts and–”

She did­n’t actu­al­ly say any­thing to inter­rupt me, but her look cut me off. It’s the “you’re miss­ing the point” look.

“Um… yeah,” I said.

She’s right, of course. With­out even real­iz­ing it, I had begun dupli­cat­ing the entire infra­struc­ture that I have in place to sup­port our Alliance mains. Craft­ing alts, auc­tion house alts, and so on. That blink blink above is my brain sud­den­ly becom­ing aware of a pat­tern I had­n’t seen before.

Con­tin­ue read­ing My Com­pul­sion is Infra­struc­ture